Learning the hard way
by Ingrid Ika Wentary
School of Business
My first year in high school didn’t go so well. No, I wasn’t bullied. I was just a leftover in my class with one friend to accompany me. But somehow, it still feels as bad as being directly bullied.
I remember this one time my school went on a hiking trip. Everyone was hiking with their group of friends. As my only friend was sick, I had no choice but to follow the rest quietly at the very end of the line. A few of them took pity on me and tried to strike a conversation or two, only to leave me and join their groups back. No one stood beside me and accompanied me. That was awful.
Moreover, I didn’t take care of my appearance back then. My face was oily and full of acne, and I sometimes went to school without washing my hair, which made my hair look so greasy. But that was no reason to talk behind my back. Once during a lunch break, I walked inside my classroom to find a few girls in deep conversation. I didn’t hear them. But as I walked past them, one of them suddenly said, “Oh hi, we were just talking about you. One of our friends thinks that you’re a dirty girl because you like to scratch your hair.” You have no idea how I felt about that. She thought she was joking, but I was hurt. I couldn’t understand why she had to disclose that information when keeping it to themselves was better? It was so bad that even until this day, that exact moment still haunts me and saddens me.
Some were calling me a freak behind my back throughout the first year of high school. I was made aware of that when a friend from my second year told me that his friends were reluctant for me to join their group because of that prejudice. I asked him why they thought that way about me, and he said they had heard gossips about me. Isn't it saddening that some people judge you even before knowing you personally? Though they didn’t say those words to me directly, realising that at one time, people held a wrong preconception about me was very heartbreaking. I didn’t know which was worse — having people call you out directly or whispering about you behind your back . What I do know is that both felt awful and heart-wrenching.
However, I learned to grow out of their words and come to terms with who I am. Sometimes it’s okay to seem like you have ‘no friends'. That doesn’t mean you’re unlikeable; it just means that you haven’t found someone who clicks with you. And that’s okay. I rather have no friends than have ones that affect your mental health badly.
I also try not to play the victim. Yes, what they did was wrong. But I tried to take these experiences to reflect on myself and be a better person. No, I didn’t change myself entirely. I am still who I am. But I tried to take the constructive criticisms that people gave me, even though they gave it through the hard way. I started taking care of my appearance and carrying myself more confidently. I eventually gained some friends, and I began to feel better about myself and who I am.
These experiences have taught me that I have flaws and that I can fix myself. Even so, the nightmares are sometimes there. I am very conscious about what I post on my social media — terrified that people will judge me again. But anyway, any progress is still progress. As long as you realize that you have your flaws and try to mature and grow out of them, you’re already doing great.